Jim C. Hines

I was chatting with my agent about the foreign sales of the goblin books, and who to target next. (I want to see Danish and Finnish goblins, for my cousin and my in-laws, respectively.) After our chat, it occurred to me that the Polish version of Goblin Quest [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] should be out by now.

Lo and behold, look what I found:


I like this one. It's a very different interpretation of Jig & Smudge, but still feels fairly true to the character. Maybe a little darker in tone than I would have gone, but definitely not as much as the original Five Star cover. The Goblin Artwork page has been updated, and I can't wait to see what they come up with for the next book. (They've bought books one and two. Hopefully the agent will be persuading them to pick up book three as well :-)

The third rewrite of Mermaid's Madness is off to a good start. 1800 words during my lunch break, and another 1200 at home (in between 3-year-old tantrums, because someone needed a longer nap). This is the easy part, of course. The further I get into the book, the more changes I'll be making, which will slow me down. Still, so far so good!

Yesterday's e-mail also brought in the Czech cover of Goblin Hero [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. I'm very pleased with this one. The details might not match up exactly with what I expected, but they did a nice job with Jig, and it's nice to see some of the other goblins and hobgoblins, along with a big ol' ogre. Click the thumbnail for the full view. You can also visit the Goblin Artwork page on my web site for all of the alternate goblin covers, along with fan art.

Finally, I forgot to mention a book launch. Earlier this week, fellow SFNovelist Jeri Smith-Ready (jer_bear711) launched her latest book Wicked Game [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. Dude, I've got two words for you: vampire DJs. Smith-Ready also has a few interviews popping up all over the blogosphere. Click here and go read more on David B. Coe's LJ.

Finally, and completely unrelated to anything else, please send good car repair vibes that my old Cavalier's oil leak will be easily found and cheaply repaired!

First, the good news. I e-mailed "Red's Tale," my counterstory for the CatsCurious Faery Taile Project, to the editor over the weekend. Last night I got an e-mail back from her. She may have a few comments for me, but described the story as "brilliant," so I think I'm okay. At 9000 words, I think this is the longest story I've written that isn't a novel. Looking forward to seeing what the artist comes up with for the covers. (That's right, this little project gets two covers: one for me, and one for ckastens).

That's the good news, and pretty much clears my writing desk of everything except getting The Mermaid's Madness done by my August 1 deadline.

This is where we start the swearing. I realized a little while back that the rewrite of this book still had serious problems. So I stepped back and did yet another outline. I've eliminated one character, completely changed a second, and given a third an actual role in the book. (Before, she stayed off the page twiddling her thumbs for 95% of the story.) Two of these changes should go a long way toward adding a sense of fun, which is something the book desperately needed.

I've also added more explosions* to the ending, changed the sequence of events in several places, and ... well, let's just say there are a lot of scribbles and scrawls on my original outline.

So now I have a choice. I can either rewrite the damn thing a third time, incorporating all of these new changes and elements, or I can finish the 75% completed rewrite I've already got, then go back and try to fix things up. I want to finish this rewrite, but I also know I'll do a much better job of cleaning up the first 3/4 of the book if I start from scratch. Again.

Sometimes I hate my process.

Looking at the calendar, if I do 1250 words every single day, including weekends, I should be able to completely rewrite the whole book by the deadline (79 days). Assuming no more plotbunny ambushes. Scary? A little bit. On the other hand, some parts I can almost copy and paste from the current draft. I'm not changing every single detail, after all. I can also ask my family to give me a few writing days -- my current record is 10,000 words in one day, when I was writing Goblin Quest. I know I can do this.

But I'm still stressing about it, and I'm still a bit scared. Wouldn't it be nice if we could get the story right on the very first attempt?

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*Figuratively speaking ... sort of.

One of the books I picked up at Ad Astra was Dangerous Dames [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] by John Zakour & Lawrence Ganem. This is a two-in-one that combines the first two Zachary Nixon Johnson books, The Plutonium Blonde and The Doomsday Brunette.

I'll admit that the first few chapters worried me. I really wanted to enjoy these books, having heard good things about them. (Not to mention the fact that I've met one of the authors.) But the first few chapters felt like they were trying too hard to be funny, giving backstory and shooting off jokes without really starting the story.

Thankfully, those chapters were short, and the book picked up once things started happening.

The Zack Johnson books have been described as part parody, part homage to the old pulp detective novels. It's fifty years in the future. Zach Johnson is the last licensed P.I. on Earth. He's a bit of a celebrity, which means he gets some interesting cases. In book one, Zack and his partner HARV (supercomputer extraordinaire) must track down a homocidal plutonium-powered android superbabe. Book two sets Zach and HARV out to learn who murdered a genetically enhanced superbabe. (There's a theme* to these books...)

After those initial few chapters, the books were a lot of fun. Some jokes worked better than others -- I couldn't quite buy everyone swearing by "Gates" and "DOS" -- but then, that's going to be the case whenever you write humor. The story is good enough to draw you along, which means the humor is a bonus.

I thought the second story was stronger than the first, and I've been told the series continues to improve. The silliness sometimes threatens to cross the line, but it never felt over-the-top enough to throw me out of the story. Not even the attack toaster or the pixie/nymphs.

Will you like the books? That depends a lot on your taste and sense of humor. I wish I could find a sample chapter to link to. The silliness quotient is higher than in my goblin books, if that gives you a basis for comparison.

They're fun. Not terribly deep, but who am I to complain about that? If you're looking for a fun, light read, I'd give them a try.

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*The "superbabe" theme could very easily have gone in a direction to make me throw these books away. Particularly the first book, wherein we have an android duplicate of a former exotic dancer. From a feminist perspective, there are aspects of the stories and characters that annoy me, but no more so than most books out there. The women are actually pretty well-developed characters. But while I enjoyed the stories, I will say it's a little tiresome to read about yet another male hero either fighting or saving a world of exclusively superbeautiful, supersexy women.

Certain individuals (brainstormfront & antonstrout, among others) have convinced me I need to go to Gen Con in Indianapolis this summer. Which now means I need to find a hotel and figure out transportation and all of that fun stuff. So, are any of you writing folks going to be there and wanting to split a hotel room?

I have nothing intelligent to say today, so instead allow me to recommend Jon Hansen's brilliant mash-up of Elmo's World and Lord of the Rings: http://www.logicalcreativity.com/jon/2008/05/i_have_no_excuse.html

Enjoy!

As a special service announcement, LOL books decided to present the real cause of writers block. Previous LOL books are available at http://jimhines.livejournal.com/tag/lol.

Today we have the classic Watership Down [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], by Richard Adams.

As of today, I'm officially done with all of the signings I had set up for Goblin War [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. As much as I enjoy these events, I admit to feeling a little relieved. The past few months have been non-stop. I'm now done with booksignings for a while, and I also finished up the rewrite of my CatsCurious tale yesterday, so I should have a little more time and energy for everything else. Starting with the jumbled mess that is the Mermaid rewrite.

The signing was a blast, as usual. My brother lives in Grand Rapids, and some of his clan have grown rather fond of Jig the goblin. I also got to see dr_phil_physics again, and was able to meet brainstormfront, who was kind enough to give me a copy of his novel Blackstaff [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. I haven't read a Forgotten Realms books in ages, and I'm looking forward to reading this one.

The store had only ordered a few copies of Quest and Hero, all of which were snatched up before the event even started. That got me thinking about signings and series. I've always kind of assumed that the stores would order all three of the goblin books, but eventually that could get a little silly. What if I wrote a ten-book series. Should a bookstore stock all ten volumes for an event?

My guess is that the best thing to do is stock up on the latest book. Then get a bunch of the very first book. And maybe pick up a few copies of the middle books. That way, anyone who wanders in off the street can start the series at book one. Loyal fans who have read the earlier books can pick up the latest. And those wonderful people who want to buy the entire series for Christmas or birthday gifts to their friends (Thanks for that, by the way!!!) can do so. But I'm not a bookseller, and I've only got three books out, so it's very possible I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm also curious what's going to happen next year. The Stepsister Scheme is the start of a new series. Will bookstores stock up on the goblin books when I come to do a signing for Stepsister? There's also the issue of shelf space. Usually, I sign some leftover stock at the end of the signing, but there's only so much shelf space. The more books they order, the more likely some will have to be stripped and returned. But I'd rather have them order too many and have to return some than not enough and miss out on potential sales.

In conclusion, I think about this stuff way too much.

Thanks again to everyone who showed up last night, old friends and new faces both. I hope you enjoyed the preview of Stepsister. Hopefully I'll see most of you again in January!

Tonight at 7:00, I'll be reading and signing books at Schuler Books in Grand Rapids, on 3165 Alpine Ave. I'll probably be reading a teaser from The Stepsister Scheme, so if you want a sneak preview of the new series, this is your chance. Or if you just want to come by and say hi, that would be great too.

And now for the holy crap moment. Warning: this involves crass money talk, so if you're someone who feels such talk is inappropriate, leave now. Go check out some cats or something.

One of the things my agent does well is the foreign sales. The advances on those sales haven't been as much as I got here in the U.S., but they add up. One edition (Czech, if memory serves) even earned out its advance and paid me a small royalties check a while back.

Yesterday, I got another royalties check, this one from the German editions of Goblin Quest and Goblin Hero.

That single check was more than I made from writing in all of 2007. Not a lot more, but big enough to earn a hearty "Holy crap!"

I know there are people on my friends list who make more than that on a single book advance. I'm not about to run out and buy a mansion or anything like that. My daughter asked if this meant we were rich now. (Kids are so cute about money.) We're hardly rich ... what it means is that I can probably afford to redo our kitchen and maybe put a new roof on our house. Also, it means that taxes are about to get a little more complicated.

I'm still a bit stunned. Even more so, because I eventually recovered enough to take a closer look at the royalties statement. At first, I thought the money was for all of 2007. Then I realized the dates were European, and 1/10/07 - 31/12/07 meant this was just for a three-month period. Double-checking the German editions, I saw that Quest had come out in September, and Hero in December.

In other words, assuming I'm reading that statement correctly, both books earned out their advance within a three month period. Hero earned out in a matter of weeks. Earned out, and then some. Thank you, Germany!

My brain is still sorting everything out. There's a good chance further royalties will follow. Heck, the German edition of Goblin War only came out a few days ago, so we haven't seen anything on that book yet. But this is causing a radical reevaluation of exactly how this whole writing gig can work. I know people who earn five- or six-figure advances for their books, but I've never been one of them. I write because I love it, and the fact that it's a nice little supplement to my day job is a bonus.

But this ... well, let's just say I've never seriously considered quitting my day job to write. It didn't feel like a realistic possibility. It still isn't realistic for the short term. We need health insurance, and for all I know this is a fluke which won't happen again for years. And of course, part of the reason this check was so high is because I get paid in Euros, and the U.S. dollar is weak enough that this translates to more money. Hopefully the U.S. economy won't always be this bad. But depending on what happens in the years to come, let's just say quitting the day job is a slightly less unrealistic possibility than it was yesterday at this time.

DAW wanted to go with a new cover artist for The Stepsister Scheme and future princess books. Yesterday, my editor passed along the name of my new cover artist.

...and I'm not going to tell you. Not because I want to be cruel, but because nothing is guaranteed. I've watched this process with other authors and books, where one artist was assigned to do the cover, only to have family emergencies get in the way of being able to produce the work. Or else the artist painted something that simply didn't work. For whatever reason, the author's book ends up with a completely new artist at the last minute. So until we have approved artwork in hand, I don't feel right blabbing the name.

I will say I'm pleased with the choice. This isn't one of the names I had passed along as a possibility, but having looked through his gallery, I'm very much looking forward to seeing what he comes up with. His work is colorful and attractive, and he does a good job of giving each character his or her own look, so I think he'll do a good job with Danielle, Snow, and Talia. I'm told he's also excited about the concept for the books, which is a good sign.

I was very grateful to Mel Grant for the work he did on the goblin covers. One thing that helped is how much Mel enjoyed the stories. The cover artist doesn't always read the books, but Mel did, and it showed. I don't know if the new artist will have the time to read the books or not, but at the very least if he's excited about the idea, that will hopefully come through in the final product.

So, throwing it out to the readers, what are the most attractive covers you've seen lately, and what makes them work? Feel free to paste thumbnails in your comments.

Last week was a great one for the goblin books. Rounding off the week was an e-mail on Saturday from Tobias Buckell, complete with a pic of Goblin War [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] sitting pretty on the shelves of a local Walmart.

Sales of Goblin War (the green line) were already starting off higher than the other two books, according to Bookscan. This is even better news, because Walmart sales aren't tracked in Bookscan, which means those numbers are probably even higher still.

I haven't run around to all of our local Walmart stores to see if this is a chainwide goblin conquest, but Tobias pointed out that the Walmart in Lima, where he spotted the books, is a smaller one. So if they have Goblin War, odds are a lot of other stores do, too.

Whatever you might think of Walmart, they're another powerful outlet for book sales, so this is a very good thing. Here's hoping they decide to keep me on the shelves for the next book, too!

LOL books turn one year old at the end of this month. We can haz birthday cake plz? Previous LOL books are available at http://jimhines.livejournal.com/tag/lol.

Today's LOL book is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], by Roald Dahl.

I think this is one of those LOLs that people will either stare blankly or laugh their backsides off. Hopefully more of the latter than the former...

I had gotten through most of the last scene in the CatsCurious fairy tale rewrite. Then I got interrupted, and lost the thread of the story. So I came back and sat there for about a half-hour, completely stuck and desperate to just write these last few paragraphs. I tried one thing, then another, and nothing worked. I was so freaking close, and all I wanted was to be done!

Then the boy has a diaper emergency. I get up, change a diaper, and voila -- I knew how to end the story.

Ten minutes later, the tale was done at 8800 words. It needs a major rewrite, but I think this is going to work. And I love this ending.

Sometimes you just need to get away from the story for a few minutes. Though next time, hopefully I'll find a less smelly reason to walk away.

A few days ago, the work-in-progress (The Mermaid's Madness) completely crashed and burned. I'm at 60,000 words, about 3/4 through the book, but I have several characters and plotlines that just ... I don't know what the hell they're doing in my story! To my great frustration, I realized I had to step back and redo my outline. For the fifth time.

Sadly, this is not unusual for me. I'm not capable of holding an entire novel-in-progress in my brain. There's too much going on, too many ideas and characters and plot threads. That's one of the reasons I need my outlines. But the story never sticks to the outline, so after a while I start to lose the novel again, and have to go back and make a new outline with everything I've changed. It's frustrating, but I'm getting used to it.

I hate zero word-count days, so yesterday I also picked up the CatsCurious tale I'm doing and worked on that. I hadn't touched it in a few weeks, but to my surprise, I had a great deal of fun. I did about 1500 words, and I'm almost through the first draft. Lots of fun little lines and jokes, and I think -- now that I'm 90% through the first draft -- that I've finally figured out what that story is about. I'm hopeful that one total rewrite will be enough to pull everything together.

In the meantime, I'm also swapping e-mails with my editor about the cover for The Stepsister Scheme. They're very close to commissioning an artist, but I don't get to find out who it is until the deal is done. DAW has allowed me a little more input this time. I suggested several artists, and I'm really hoping they'll go with my top choice, because I love his work. DAW also asked me to write up a description of my three princesses, which will be passed along to the artist.

I am not a visual writer. I don't see things in my head as I'm writing. I remember the first time I saw the cover art for Goblin Quest [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], thinking, Hm ... is that what Jig looks like, then? For The Stepsister Scheme, I do have a decent amount of physical description, but not the level of detail they need, particularly for my point of view character Danielle. I left her more vague than the other two, and I'm going to claim that was a deliberate choice, to make it easier for readers to project themselves into her role. But I didn't even specify her hair color, let alone what style of shirt she wears, or what color her boots are.

I'm putting some ideas together, trying to develop the details I did provide into something an artist can use. (Danielle is now a blonde, if you're curious.) But I'm not a fashion expert, and I'm scared that the things I describe are going to look awful when they're actually painted. Hopefully the artist will feel free to ignore ugly suggestions for the sake of the picture. But I've spent more time on this one-page write-up than I did on the story yesterday.

So, anybody know of any good online resources for fantasy heroine garb that's not of the chainmail bikini variety?

Despite the stress, I'm very excited about the cover concept, and I can't wait to see the actual artwork. It will probably be months before it's ready, but I want it now!

This has been your random glimpse of Writer Brain.

According to my agent, Goblin Hero [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] has gone back for a second printing.

Not only that, but I talked to my editor this morning, and Goblin Quest [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] is now in its third printing.

None of my print runs have been enormous, and I'm not one of these authors who sells out a print run in the first week of release. But this is still very good news. It means people are still buying the books. It means my publisher has enough confidence in me and the series to invest in a few thousand more books. And hopefully, it's one more sign that my career is on an upward slope. Maybe it's not as steep a slope as I'd like, but I'm okay with slow-and-steady.

ETA: And now, I see a delightful review of Goblin War by Sherwood Smith, over at the SF Site. Today just keeps on getting better!

ETA II: Another e-mail, this one from Bakka-Phoenix. Guess who was number three on their April mass market bestseller list? And also number four. And number seven, too. That's right, all three goblin books made their April list. Looks like that book launch I did with them at Ad Astra paid off! :-)

Looking at the bookscan numbers, sales are starting to fall off for Goblin War [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], but that's to be expected. The book's been out for two months, after all. The initial thrill has passed.

But hey, if anyone in the Grand Rapids area wants to help push book three toward another print run, I'll be doing a signing at Schuler Books on Alpine on May 8 at 7:00 pm. I'll probably be doing a chat and a little reading, as well as signing books. Who knows, I might even give folks a sneak preview of The Stepsister Scheme.

War on Pat Rothfuss: No direct response from Mister Rothfuss yet, though I note that he has constructed some sort of arctic super-soldier prototype. The goblins do not fear these frozen warriors!

Men and Rape: Over 200 comments now, inclusing some very insightful discussion, as well as some powerful stories.

Goblin Books: According to my 2007 end-of-year royalties numbers, it looks like Goblin Quest has earned out its advance ... except that the reserve against return means it hasn't really. Currently, DAW is holding 4000 copies in reserve on Quest, and 4500 on Hero. That number should continue to decline as time passes, and I'm also pretty certain that sales from the beginning of 2008 would also push Goblin Quest over the "Earned out" point. So it's not official yet, but looks very promising.

Family: Sick kids. Sleepy parents. It's been a fun week.

The Mermaid's Madness: Passed 60,000 words on the rewrite yesterday. Ah, yes. I remember this part of the story. This is the part where Jim's plotting skills took a vacation in Hawaii, leaving several chapters of incoherent crap to fix up. What fun...

Purely Random Update: I love the fact that the Transformers Animated show has a character based on The Tick. He's voiced by the same actor who did the Tick cartoon, and he even gets Tick-like lines, shouting "Energon-y goodness!" and similar things. It's a shame he's such a jerk.

Does anyone know why new books always seem to come out on Tuesdays?

Anyhow, happy book day to two of my online author friends!



The Queen's Bastard [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] starts off a new series by C. E. Murphy (mizkit). She chats about the book over at Magical Words, and does an author introduction with Joshua Palmatier.

Today also marks the release of Hungers of the Heart [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], book four in Jenna Black's "Guardians of the Night" series. Mike Brotherton has an interview with Jenna on his blog.

Congrats and good luck to you both!

It's kind of strange seeing all of the new books coming out ... is it really almost two months since Goblin War [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy] came out? The past two months is still a blur of booksignings and conventions and online promo and waiting impatiently for sales data from my agent. You wait for ages for the book to finally come out, and then you blink and it's over, and you're already thinking about the next one. (January, 2009 for The Stepsister Scheme, for anyone who's counting.)

In another month or so, bookstores will probably be stripping copies of Goblin War to make room for newer releases. I wish there was more time to simply bask and enjoy the new book experience. At the same time, that book is done, and I find my own attention and energy is much more focused on Stepsister and Mermaid, and the potential I see for that whole series. I suppose that's normal, and probably a good thing -- better to concentrate on the next project than to get stuck in the past. But still, Goblin War was a good little book, and I'm proud of it.

Anyhow, what are you still doing reading this? Go read those interviews, or check out C. E. Murphy's excerpt. Nothing more to see here today, folks.

Warning -- I've got a sick kid at home, and have gotten very little sleep for the past 3-4 days. If this is incoherent, you know why.

I've been doing a lot with fairy tales lately. In addition to the CatsCurious Faery Tale project, there's also The Stepsister Scheme and the current novel-in-progress, The Mermaid's Madness. I also did a short story called "The Red Path" for another fairy tale anthology a few months back. And of course there's my novelette "Sister of the Hedge" from Realms of Fantasy a while ago.

One thing I've noticed is how these stories have a very clear message and moral. Red Riding Hood has a pretty blatant message about not trusting strangers, because otherwise they'll eat you. The Little Mermaid has some graphic symbolism about premarital sex and the fate that awaits a young girl who gives herself to a boy.

And then you've got Sleeping Beauty, one of my central characters for the princess series. In some versions of this tale, this character wasn't awakened by a chaste kiss from a loving prince. Oh no, instead we have a king who finds a woman unconscious and helpless, at which point, "...he beheld her charms and felt his blood course hotly through his veins. He lifted her in his arms, and carried her to a bed, where he gathered the first fruits of love. Leaving her on the bed, he returned to his own kingdom, where, in the pressing business of his realm, he for a time thought no more about this incident."

I keep thinking about this, in part because I'm still following various threads and discussions on last week's post about rape. I just find it strange and depressing how well this centuries-old tale fits today. I know a lot of people who have woken up to find some guy gathering the fruits of love raping them. Guys who, like the king, probably thought no more about the incident afterwards.

Strange how little some things change over the centuries.

LOL books are tired of the whole J.D./Elliot plotline. Previous LOL books are available at http://jimhines.livejournal.com/tag/lol.

Waving hello to all of you who have friended this LJ since last week. I debated trying to explain the whole LOL book phenomenon, but really, what's to explain? I'm the kind of person who takes great amusement from slapping LOL captions onto SF/F book covers.

Some are funnier than others. But for the most part, people seem to enjoy them, so I keep going. We're actually coming up on the one-year anniversary of the first LOL book. (Party suggestions are welcome.)

Anyhow, this morning's LOL book is Shift [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy], by Chris Dolley. I apologize in advance to all of you who aren't Scrubs fans and are currently staring at this cover, wondering what I was smoking. For the rest of you, enjoy!

My daughter is sitting on mama's lap and doing her nighttime reading. She's reading "Gnomes in the Home," a story I wrote years ago for the now-defunct YA magazine Spellbound. The story is another in my "Blade of the Bunny" and "Spell of the Sparrow" series, but this one is told from the PoV of the daughter Mel.

I don't know if she's old enough to appreciate it yet. If not, no worries.

But would you believe I'm nervous? I handed her the magazine, and within a minute I had paced past the chair three times, fighting to keep from asking her what she thought so far, or just yanking it out of her hands and making her read something else.

Sales of Goblin Quest are somewhere in the five digits, but this I'm nervous about.

Attention, Mister Patrick Rothfuss, author of the bestselling debut novel The Name of the Wind [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy].

I wish you to know that I have read your book and have a great deal of respect for you as an author. After meeting you at the Fantasy Matters conference, not to mention our special time together at ConFusion, I had also come to consider you a friend, sir.

But now your acts have shattered the bounds of civilized behavior. I refer of course to the events of April 22, 2008, when you somehow coopted one T. Hunt into devoting an entire page of his popular web comic to your novel*.

That web comic, as you know, is called Goblins.

First it was the Quill award. Then the New York Times bestseller list. I see you've begun an offensive to claim the Locus award as well. I respect your ambition, and like most authors, was willing to cede you these territories.

But a line must be drawn. Hear me well, Mister Rothfuss. You shall not conquer the goblins. We may be small and weak compared to the doorstopping power of Kvothe and The Name of the Wind, but we are many and we will triumph!


To my friends, fans, and fellow bloggers, I urge you to take up your keyboards and join me in this fight**. Show your support here or in your own blogs. Feel free to repost the above graphic <img src="http://www.sff.net/people/jchines/Temp/Windbreakers.jpg"> or make up your own. Join me in showing Mister Rothfuss that he might take our awards, he might take our bestseller lists, but he will never take our goblins!

And to Patrick himself, I await your response, sir. The blue line has been drawn.*** Cross it if you dare.



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*It's actually quite funny. Go check it out.

**On the slim chance anyone doesn't getwhat I'm doing, let me make it clear. I actually like Pat and enjoyed his book a great deal. So anyone who gets truly nasty shall be fed to the goblins. This is all in fun. Now go post a picture of my trilogy beating up Pat's book or something.

***I declare my dodge on you, Pat Rothfuss!